Japan · Life · Mental Health

Don’t “kill yourself”…

This morning there was an earthquake that rocked a great portion of Japan.  It was a bit freaky because I even felt it in my city.  I’ve lived in Japan for 6 years and felt my fair share of earthquakes, but I will never get used to them.  They are extremely unpleasant.  However, all of us are fine here.  No need to worry.

Last weekend was karaoke as per usual.  The crowd was small and moderately entertaining, and Rei seemed to get a lot of attention giving her Line to a number of people while drunk.  She paid for that dearly when she got a plethora of weird messages throughout Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday was our anniversary.  (Rei and I have been friends for one year exactly.)  We decided to celebrate with a curry dinner but when we got to the restaurant it was unexpectedly closed.  (On a Saturday really?!?!  Nonsense.)  So we walked over to a nearby fancy 居酒屋 with a huge selection of sangria.  We pigged out and feeling happy we decided to join a pub crawl run by the same group that runs the Friday karaoke (though each tends to attract different types of people).  When we got there, Rei’s coworker was there.  I’ve met this guy maybe twice and Rei, and I have joked together in front of him that he “shouldn’t be there and should go home”.  All of this I thought was in good fun and meant to be a joke.  Of course, I could seriously care less if he went home or stayed there.  As I said before, I’ve only seen him a couple times, so I’ve only joked with him in this way maybe twice.  On Saturday right when we showed up to the bar he walked straight up to me and said “You shouldn’t be here. Go kill yourself”.  Now as someone who struggles with mental health this was incredibly jarring.  My reaction to this person after the initial shock was to say: “That was a really awful thing to say. Really awful. I would never say something like that.” To which he replied: “Yes, you would.” A further indication this person doesn’t know me at all.  I have never nor would I ever say something of this magnitude to anyone let alone someone who struggles with mental health.  I’m sure you know why it is horrible to say this to someone.  You don’t know if the person you’ve said this too suffers from anxiety, depression, or has even thought about or worse attempted suicide before.  I, for one, have never tried to kill myself.  I have, however, thought about it.  More than once I’ve thought maybe the world would be better without me in it.  This is a terrible thing to think.  Of course I know that, but mental health issues don’t know that when they put such thoughts in your head.  After trying to tell him off but having him walk away from me, I grabbed Rei and told the organizer of the event what had happened.  Rei and I (while crying) asked for our money back and left.  The organizer (who we know) said he’d refund the money but never did.  We ended up bar hopping but were ignored by people watching the World Cup or an empty bar.  Eventually we ended up at another Meetup event (with karaoke) full of boring people asking “Where are you from?”  At least no one was mean, but we were so bored we fucked off at 10:30PM.  I know Japanese people are just trying to break the ice, but for fuck’s sake.  I hear this question a million times a week.  I’d pass out from shock if someone asked me a unique or unusual or interesting question for once.  Don’t Japanese people know this? 

On Sunday, I went to yoga and then Mamoru and I waited an hour an 30 minutes to eat lunch.  By the time we sat down, I was ready to stab someone and/or eat an arm.  After yoga, we went to a nearby mall to return a cheap bag that I bought which broke soon after I purchased it.  Then it was back home where I showered and proceeded to pass out from exhaustion.  When I woke up, I got caught up on “Westworld” and that was it.  My weekend was less than stellar.  I mean Friday was okay, but the rest was just meh.

Today I spent my day off running errands in the morning and then finishing up “Sense8” and starting “Queer Eye” S2.  It was a nice lazy day.  Definitely much needed after the beatings my mental health has taken lately.  That’s all I guess.  I hope you had a better weekend than I did.  Be well.

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One thought on “Don’t “kill yourself”…

  1. Woah… I don’t even have words. How can anyone think it’s okay to tell someone to kill themselves EVER. That’s not a joke. It’s just not right. I’m so sorry that happened to you.

    I always ask people at meetups where they’re from and what brought them to Switzerland (usually they are expats). I’m useless at socialising though.

    Liked by 1 person

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