Japan · Life · Mental Health · Miscarriage

Fuck friends and birthdays…

Hello!  It’s almost my birthday which means it’s almost time to hate my life and everything about it.

Let’s recap:

  • Rei is moving to Korea in like 5 minutes.
  • I’ll be 39 soon.  WTF do I have to show for it?  Not a great job, not great friends, not a great life.
  • I’ve 3 MCs under my belt and no children to speak of all because of a broken uterus.
  • A perpetually absent husband
  • Flaky friends canceling on me left and right
  • Anxiety and depression lurking about

Since I came back to Japan, I’ve been trying to meet up with Ryo and another friend who doesn’t have a pseudonym (and since she’s been a crap friend lately, she probably won’t get one).  Neither of them have had two seconds for me.  The super hilarious thing is that while I was in America both of them were all like “I miss you!  Come back to Japan!”  I’ve invited both of them to 4 things (all on different days).  None of which they could attend.  In fact, the unnamed chick told Rei that she couldn’t answer her about my birthday dinner because she wouldn’t know her schedule until the last minute.  Um what?  Who the fuck doesn’t know their schedule “until the last minute”?!?!  I’m so fucking annoyed.

Oh did I mention our daughter whom I miscarried in February would have been born this month.  It’s a birthday that didn’t happen and nothing worth celebrating.  That’s not making me feel good right now.  All good things all around.  FML.

I guess something good happened.  Motoki called me on Thursday just like he said he would.  Unfortunately, his schedule changed a bit, so he couldn’t talk for very long, but the short time he spoke to me meant the world to me at that moment.  He said he remembered how fun it was talking to me.  I told him that I was here.  I’ve always been here.  We made plans to talk again next week.  That’s great.  It’s great.  I miss Motoki like something fierce.  That said Mamoru is going to our old city for work, and I get accompany him since Rei is busy with her gross boyfriend.  When I contacted my friends they were all busy, but my former coworkers including Motoki, Artemis, Makoto, and perhaps Ami are over the moon to see me but especially Motoki.  I’m happy I get the chance to see them.

I guess that’s it.  Fuck shitty friends and birthdays.  Be well.  I know I’m not right now.


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