Life · Mental Health · Weight Loss

Everything sucks…

Here’s something I haven’t talked about in a while…my weight. With the myriad of new used clothes and food I brought back with me from America, I also brought back 3kg (about 6 pounds). Fortunately this isn’t enough to make my clothes not fit or anything dramatic like that, but it is enough to hurt my self esteem. My last weigh in around June was 62kg. Just 2kg from my goal weight and 2kg loss since gaining weight while pregnant. When I came back from America I topped out at 65kg and since have wavered a bit between 63, 64, and 65. I’m sure you’re thinking what’s the big deal? That’s hardly anything. However, I worked so hard to lose this weight that sometimes I’m terrified it’ll all come back. This is, of course, a bit dramatic, but it’s one of the perks (?) of an anxious brain. I’ve not been great being back on my diet since coming back to Japan. Far too many cheat days and too much drinking to be sure. Also, I’ve been eating out a lot. I need to knock that shit off, but since Rei is leaving, that’s what we’ve been doing a lot of and also drinking to numb the pain. This had me furiously watching the weather outside hoping it’d stop raining before I got on the bike to Company H. That’s another keeping the number up. It’s been raining almost every day since I got back to Japan. Not only does this ruin my hair, prevent biking, but it also contributes to SAD especially since my hometown is notorious for its bright sunshine most of the year. Fortunately, it stopped raining, and I was able to bike to Company H.

On Saturday Rei and I went out. We ate and drank and she cried and tried to walk home until I put her ass in a taxi. It was such a fun night but a reminder of how finite things are. I can’t believe she’s going to Korea in like 15 days. I can’t believe it. I don’t wanna believe it.

In other news my birthday is lurking around the corner. I don’t want 39. I don’t want it. How can I stop aging? I don’t wanna grow old and ugly. There’s no way you can convince me that 40 is the new 30. I can believe that 30 is the new 20 especially since my 20s sucked and my 30s were far better by comparison.

I guess that’s it. Being fat sucks, being old sucks, losing friends suck, basically everything sucks. I hope less things suck for you. Be well.

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2 thoughts on “Everything sucks…

  1. I’m also 39 but I’m not worried about turning 40. I may be married and have zero interest in being in a partying mode, but having gone through my 20s being more than a bit obsessed with Sex and the City, well, all I can say is Samantha Jones. Of course, I don’t WANT to be Samantha IN THAT WAY (as I said about not being into partying), but 40 can be so…glamorous!

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