Life · Mental Health

On the eve of…

It’s 11:45PM on my birthday eve.  I don’t want to be 39.  Just like I didn’t want to be 38.

I was 36 when I started this blog.  I thought I was still young enough to have children.  I didn’t know that I’d have two MCs in the course of this blog.  I thought by 39 we’d have at least one child and another on the way perhaps.  Now I don’t know if we’ll even have by my 40th.

I’ve lost and gained (and sometimes regained) a lot of friends in the course of this blog.  Some I didn’t mind losing and the loss of others crushed me.  Mamoru and I have had many ups and downs during the course of this blog.

Getting old is one of my fears.  I think that’s safe to say here as the PTB have decided that my greatest fear (not being able to physically have children) has been realized.  Fortunately, I still look young.  Thank the PTB there (at least they haven’t made me look like an old hag).

My thoughts are choppy because I’m sleepy.  Bottom line: I don’t wanna be 39.  Let’s slow down this aging thing.

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One thought on “On the eve of…

  1. I turned 39 last month and so far, I’m not too upset. I mean, I’m nowhere CLOSE to where my parents were at the same age (my mom and dad both had very well established careers and one child in elementary school (moi)), while I’m, well, just starting out, more or less (not really in the career part, but definitely for family and, well…”maturity” level. My parents were supporting me as well as my mom’s parents by the time they were in their mid-30s). I think we Xennials are just a little…slower than boomers were. And that’s okay.

    Like

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