Red flags part 3…

Welcome to our Red Flags series already in progress.  If you need a refresher course you can view Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

So I’m met with Demande for freelance work today and in true Demande fashion he changed our 2 hour meeting to a 1 hour meeting at the last minute.  Classic Demande.  He said he’s just “so busy” right now.  Okay, I guess, and I’m trying not to be annoyed, but I’m also trying not to figuratively die over here.  Why you ask?  Well because I’m now fucking convinced that his “pregnant” girlfriend isn’t actually pregnant (hence the previous quotes).  Last we left off, I recommended a fantastic English speaking doctor.  While Demande said she was grateful for the offer, she told him she doesn’t need to see a doctor because she feels fine.  (Insert internal maniacal laughter and red flag here).  Well, I tell him, let me educate you about something called a missed miscarriage.  While I didn’t have time to delve into the specifics as to my being so fucking knowledgeable about this particular subject (perhaps you’ll recall my last pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage), I was secretly ELATED that I get to tell Demande what a missed miscarriage is.  I explained emphatically that a missed miscarriage is a very dangerous and traumatizing situation because you physically feel nothing is wrong, but the baby has stopped growing yet it remains inside the uterus (which is exactly what happened to me earlier this year).  He said he would like to go to the doctor with her once while she’s still here (only for 10 more days which I’m sure she’ll stall out).  THEN…then it gets better.  She said her friends told her that it isn’t safe to fly early in pregnancy.  I’m sorry what now?  Her EXPERT friends.  I’m fucking sure.  Actually, it’s perfectly safe to fly early in pregnancy if it’s a healthy pregnancy which his girlfriend claims it is.  It’s later in pregnancy that pregnant women shouldn’t fly.  The more I thought about it, the more I wondered is this her diabolical plan?  She’ll fly back home and “miscarry”.  That’s in quotes because I fully believe that SHE CANNOT POSSIBLY BE PREGNANT.  Fucking hell.  What kind of horrible person is she?!?!  Of course, all my assessments of her are based on supposition.  BUT…BUT…if she was actually pregnant, why wouldn’t she be at the doctor every week before 12 weeks (no matter what fucking country she’s in).  I mean she’s a pregnancy expert right?  Of course she is because it’s her first “pregnancy”.  I rolled my eyes so hard (right in front of Demande) that I almost fell off my chair.  BUT WAIT!  THERE’S MORE!  They got a puppy!  OMFG!  He said he didn’t want a puppy but a cat as he’s a cat person, but she wanted a puppy.  First, he said he thought it was too early in the relationship, and he’s having a difficult time taking care of it.  HA HA HA!  What does he think taking care of a baby will be like?!?!  And the dog has to stay in Japan while she returns to her home country for the next six months and will be entirely his responsibility.  She’s pushing everything on him trying to entrap him however she can.  I said “It seems like you’re feeling conflicted.”  The look on his face said that what I just said was an understatement.  I can’t give this woman the benefit of the doubt any longer.  Not until he shows me an ultrasound picture of his “babies” from a clinic in Japan.  Kudos to her for this brilliant but fucking psychopathic plan.  Because Demande is my friend and I don’t give two fucks about this woman, I sincerely hope he isn’t terribly hurt by this woman’s behavior.  Demande can be very sensitive.  I mean this guy went AWOL when his cat died.  It’s taking every fiber of my being not to call out her shit right in front of him.

What do you guys think?  Can she really be pregnant with twins?  Is she manipulating Demande for the visa and his money?  I’d be interested to hear what others think.  Who knows?  Maybe my feelings are colored by my need to protect my friends.

That’s all for today.  Be well.

12 thoughts on “Red flags part 3…

  1. I’m in Ontario (Canada) and NO, one doesn’t go to the doctor every week here. My surrogate went for bloodwork two weeks after the embryo transfer (to check hcg levels for a positive pregnancy) twice, and then did not go for the first ultrasound two weeks after that. Then there was another two weeks later. I don’t really remember how many more times she went for check-ups or ultrasounds after the eighth week, but I don’t think she did until week 12 or 13?


    1. Thanks for the info. Maybe I was required for weekly checks because mine was a high risk pregnancy. My main concern is he’s never seen a live ultrasound of his own children and that’s the only way to be sure everything is okay in there.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Now, being someone who has no interest in having kids, I still can’t believe there would be a woman/soon to be parent out there, who didn’t want to get an ultrasound after finding out that their pregnant, and not just, but with twins!
    Heck, if I would eventually find a person I wanted to devote my life to and eventually started thinking that ” yknow what, I think I would like to have kids with this person”, then at no point would I give up an opportunity to not see the doctor. And seeing that your friend clearly knows what went down in their bedroom, I highly doubt that she’s pregnant. I honestly think that he needs to see the high concern that she’s being this secretive about their own kids. It should be a happy moment yet she’s taking her time to manipulate him and make up excuses? That is fking ridiculous. No normal person would behave like this – she sounds mental to me. No healthy person would behave like this.
    I somehow hope that your friend can manage to push her and make her either go see the doctor, or make her confess of what she’s been planning.
    I hope you can somehow influence him by making him see that no normal/healthy woman would behave this way. His life will be ruined(as much as I don’t want to say it so rudely, but that’s the case a lot of times)


    1. I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking this is crazy. I wish I knew how to influence him further. I can be persuasive, but I’m not a manipulative person (let’s leave that to her). I don’t know if I can be persuasive enough in the next 9 days. This whole situation is so troubling.


      1. I just feel so sorry for your friend. If he’s the so called father, he has the right to know what is going on. He has the right to see and be curious of what his kids look like, and if they’re healthy and doing fine. Anything can go wrong. He seems like a sweet honest guy, just try and get him to be more active on trying to participate in this “pregnancy”. If he’s the father to those so called twins, then he has every right as a parent. It’s not only the womans right to have everything done by her hands because the kids are growing in her belly.
        Just.. Hang in there, really. If you try and reason with him, then I’m certain that he’s more than willing to follow logic than that woman.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I honestly thought from your very first post that she *had* to be faking it. A twin pregnancy is considered high risk – I know this for an absolute fact. I had 5 ultrasounds during my pregnancy. It was only after I got past 12 weeks and was released from the fertility clinic that it became less frequent. In my case it was admittedly also because I had fertility drugs, which added a second risk factor, but because it was twins I was supposed to have a check-up, listen to heartbeats, etc. every 4 weeks. Pregnant or not, there is absolutely NO WAY it’s twins.

    And feeling fine is utterly irrelevant. I felt fine the whole time. I still felt fine even after I started spotting on Sunday. An infection bad enough to bring on labour and I had absolutely ZERO symptoms. So yes, this situation sounds all kinds of wrong to me. No pregnant woman would turn down an opportunity to see for themselves that their baby is doing okay.


    1. I didn’t realize twin pregnancies were high risk. I learn so much from being in this community. I agree. I also felt “fine” but it was never reassuring enough to feel fine. I never thought of that, but I felt that way too. I wanted to see how it was doing every week. Even seeing the little blurb that was going to grow into my baby was the only thing reassuring me every week.


      1. Yes, multiples are always automatically high risk just because there’s more than one to worry about, and if something goes wrong with one baby it can affect the other even if it was perfectly healthy. The risk increases even more so in the third trimester because as they run out of room and pressure on the cervix increases there’s a risk of pre-term labour (THAT’S what I was terrified of… this whole time I was worried about the first and third trimesters, this was supposed to be the one part of my pregnancy I could actually enjoy).

        I can’t imagine any mother, even one without any history of infertility/loss not jumping at the chance to know for sure their baby is doing okay. Especially a first-time parent who doesn’t know what to expect. It was always surreal to me that you’re just expected to believe the baby is growing and moving when you can neither see nor feel anything. Maybe I’m wrong, but her response really doesn’t feel natural to me.

        Liked by 1 person

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