Life · Mental Health

What can I do? Advice needed…

This is continuing on from the Red Flags series.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

However, it’s not in and of itself a red flag.  It’s just me and my noisy anxious brain plagued by this situation.  Demande is my friend and I feel like I have to help him discover the truth here, but because of how he’s been in the past, my friendship with Demande (I feel) constantly teeters on a precipice, and I don’t want to send it crashing into the void below.  I feel like if I push too hard or accuse his girlfriend of lying that will hurt my (so newly recovered) friendship with him, and I don’t want to do that.  I’ve been trying to plant seeds little by little that will push him to take her to the doctor here, but time is running out.  I’m afraid she’s clearly an expert at getting Demande to do what she wants and that she can keep him away from the doctor for the remaining 9 days she’s here.

Please help me!  What more can I say to get him to take her to the doctor?  Some of you may say I should mind my own business here, but I can sit blindly by with the belief that she’s taking advantage of my friend for personal gain.  This whole situation is causing me mad anxiety, and I can’t stop thinking about it.  I thought about calling her behavior (of not wanting to see a doctor) odd, but again I don’t want to push him away from me.  What would you do?  What else can I do?  Please advise!

5 thoughts on “What can I do? Advice needed…

  1. Could you persuade him to take her to the doctor’s for his own sake? If she’s going back to her home country for months this is his last chance to see them and properly get involved (if they are real). Being sent ultrasound printouts won’t be the same. Tell him seeing them on the screen for himself will make it seem even more special and real.


  2. The whole thing has sounded off from the outset and I’m pretty sure your instincts are right. Could you build up how meaningful it is for the father, seeing the baby on the ultrasound, as a way of convincing him to take her to a damn doctor himself? I feel like that might be really hard for you emotionally 😦 But I can’t think of any other ideas. My husband has a friend whose (very much former) girlfriend tried the same stunt with him (albeit fully Japanese, so after the quick marriage rather than a visa) and going to the clinic and seeing no babies is what made things pretty clear.


  3. To be honest, knowing only your side of story and judging the girl is not fair, so I wouldn’t think of accusing her of anything in front of your friend. The only thing I have been thinking while reading your posts is that you, with your experiences are exactly right person to make sure your good friend’s girlfriend goes to doctor and make sure her baby twins are okay (no matter if they actually exist or not). Making sure your friend is aware that pregnancy is a bit more serious is all you can do. And truth will always come out sooner or later.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s