Life · Mental Health

Still cold but warm but cold…

My anxiety attack yesterday in regards to losing Demande’s friendship once again might have been a bit premature.  Since he refused to talk to me on the phone yesterday, I wrote a fucking paragraph explaining that I was sick and that’s why I was sniffling.  I was definitely not crying.  He apologized stating he had misunderstood and thought I was crying.  I said not at all.  I’ve lived in Japan for more than 6 years and I still don’t understand how autumn works.  One day it’s freezing (like Halloween) and the next day its warm (like today).  It doesn’t matter what I wear, I can never dress correctly for this season.

All is well except for me I guess.  In addition to the cold I still have, my period decided to show up today.  Great.  Not only am I blessed with rivers of snot, I’m also bleeding out of my v.  What’s worse is that I’m going to a live circuit tomorrow (feeling like crapola).  It’s Mimi’s first show since she had her baby, so it’s kind of a big deal.  Plus I’ve had these tickets for like a month, and Yumiko will be going with me.  I’m quite looking forward to it.

I guess that’s it.  I’m lying on the sofa drinking tea and watching “Sabrina” on Netflix just resting and trying to kick this cold.  I’m working on be well.  You be well too.

Edit: As of 5:20PM Demande says he still needs space.  I don’t understand this guy at all.  I thought everything was resolved yesterday.  Now today he’s acting weird again.  He says he’s suddenly too busy with private matters, and he’s receiving freelance work from another company (even though I inquired about said company when I started working for him again and he said he was unhappy with them and stopped using their service).  What the fuck ever Demande.  Mamoru was out studying for a work test, so I got drunk off some Strong Zeroes and watched “Hill House” (incidentally something Demande said he’d watch with me and now suddenly he’s too busy to watch Netflix or hang out with me at all).  As previously stated, I don’t get this guy.  My anxiety definitely doesn’t get this guy and also can’t handle this guy.  Anyway there’s nothing I can do which sucks and also isn’t great for my anxiety as I can’t handle this kind of turbulence in friendships.  Fuck this shit.  Give me music, and alcohol, and fucking peace.  I need it.

I’m now lying in bed trying to finish up this season of “Elementary”.  Be well.  I’m not.

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