Life · Mental Health

But I feel so alone…

I’m lying in bed just waiting for my alarm.  It’s been raining so Small Lady can’t go for her AM walk anyway.  Last night I got almost 8 hours of sleep.  Progress.  This morning I have a headache but at least I slept.  I’m too old for this kind of foolish behavior.  In addition to the sleep, some time early in the morning I finally started a full flow…no more spotting.  I almost cried.  I thought that not only was my mind broken, but somehow I broke my body too.  (Honestly though isn’t my body broken?  Three MCs tell you that.)  Perhaps it’s just that I’m getting older and my cycle isn’t working the way it’s supposed to.  Who knows?  I’m happy to be finished spotting though, so I can now get my period over.

Yesterday Mimi texted to check on me.  That was kind though embarrassing.  Also, Yumiko checked on me in the morning.  She’s seriously considering quitting her job and just going back to Puerto Rico now instead of in April as previously planned.  She doesn’t think the stress is worth it.  Her company told her today that she’d have to commute 4 hours.  They’d reimburse her but shit.  I wouldn’t want to commute 4 hours either.  She says her company is super stressful and unsupportive.  I told her she should at least wait until her first paycheck.  Then she’d have some money to go back home with.  This sucks for me.  First Rei now Yumiko.  I’m losing friends left and right.  Rei’s absence from my life has been a huge hit to my mental health.  I really am having a hard time without her in my life.  Of course, Demande being stupid doesn’t help either.  Things aren’t easy right now. However, oddly enough what Khloé Kardashian wrote the other day on her Instagram hit me pretty hard.

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Even though I know I am not alone, right now I feel so alone. I can’t ever make people stay.  I know that, but it hurts when they leave.

That’s it I guess.  I’ve got to start my day.  I’m not well, but I hope you can be well.

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