Rei and I are convinced that winter turns people into giant bitches. This happened last year. Yuichiro and others decided that they would become total assholes. It’s happening again this year. I have a friend who doesn’t have a pseudonym because we’ve only hung out a few times (but I’ll use S for now). However, we also talked a lot throughout summer and after that as well. When I asked S to hang out this month, S used busyness as an excuse. Okay that’s fine, maybe next time. On Friday I went to karaoke as per usual. Working and running around, when I went downstairs to fetch something, I saw S sitting at a table with a group of foreigners. S saw me, and I waved. No wave back. From that point on S’s body language was turned completely inward toward the center of the table. S said nothing to me, pretended like I didn’t even exist. When I later texted S with a cheery “good to see you, maybe you didn’t see me wave” message, I got no response. Straight up ghosted. And so very fucking Japanese. (Yes, S is Japanese.) You might remember Kotono pulling some similar shit and not to mention Demande also doing this. Why do Japanese people thing it’s perfectly acceptable to ignore friends? Unless we were never really friends to begin with. Maybe that was the case with Kotono. Maybe that was thew case with Demande. Maybe that is the case with S. Nonetheless, I was completely hurt about it.
When I got home, I found that Mamoru had left the soup I had made out on the stove which means it had been left out all night. It’s not so bad because it’s winter but he had gotten home 2 hours before me and I had told him I made soup and he should eat it. So of course we got into an argument. In the argument he said a variety of mean things to me including I don’t clean perfectly (and trust me I couldn’t roll my eyes hard enough), that the animals don’t actually love me and they are prisoners here (that stung I’ll admit), and finally that he was forced to hang out with me on weekends (that one hurt the most). I told him he was never forced to hang out with me. He should want to spend time with his wife, you know. In the morning the argument continued into a conversation (with me sobbing the whole time). He said he couldn’t understand why I was so upset about soup. I told him it wasn’t about soup. It’s never about soup, right? I told him that he thinks that anything he does is more important than anything I do. I also said that I never say mean things when we disagree and the things he said the night before were really hurtful. He apologized (which means nothing to me), but finally said he regret saying those things. He tried to tell me that “sorry” was the same thing. Sorry is an empty phrase. We say it so casually these days, I feel like it has lost any weight it carried before, so if you want to apologize to me, never say “sorry”. We reconciled but I was so emotionally drained, I didn’t have much energy for the rest of the day. We went to dinner and a projection mapping exhibit in a nearby city and at the end of all of it, I collapsed into bed beyond exhausted.
I wanted to mention that amid all the other exhaustion, I talked to him about leaving Company H. To my surprise, he completely supported my desire to leave Company H. While I love my clients, I cannot with the new supervisor. What’s more is that I can save money now and survive on freelance until we adopt. At that time, I can leave my freelance clients easier than I can a job elsewhere I think. So it’s decided. January 2019 will be my last month at Company H. I hope that means 2019 will be the start of a beautiful year. I’m really praying it turns out better than the shit show that was 2018.
The next day we had plans to go to a hosing exhibit. So basically, if you want to build a house in Japan, you go to this place where different companies have built model homes. You can go in an out of these model homes, talk to agents, get ideas for what you want in a house, and plan out your dream house. It’s a one stop shop. To be honest, it was really daunting. We only visited 4 companies houses. お父さん’s current house (the one we are demolishing) is a Misawa brand, so Mamoru and I looked there first because they offere a discount for past builds. He was not really impressed with the Kura design (even though I thought it was cool), but we were both in awe of their multi-leveled model which had floors 1, 1.5, 2, and an attic space as well as tons of storage. Not knowing where to go, we asked the agent for recommendations. He pointed out some companies. We visited one company I can’t remember the name of. The house was just so-so but they had really cool options for pets. We visited the Panasonic House which was so sleek and modern and so open. The features were so cool and the shower room and tub were gorgeous. I was in awe of the house but Mamoru didn’t like it that much. The final house we visited was the Hebel Haus X Model. This was similar to the Misawa House with the same floors 1, 1.5, 2, and an attic space. Hebel Haus is also known for fire and earthquake safety as well as no maintenance needed for 30 years! We stayed in that house the longest. After that we went home exhausted yet again. Mamoru did a little research on large housing companies and found that he didn’t like what people had said about such companies. We also looked into smaller companies and found about 5 companies we want to explore further as we like their designs. Of course, I’m ready to rush into this but I understand Mamoru’s want to take things slow. It’s a HUGE purchase and a lifetime decision. What’s more is that we don’t have an official timeline. お父さん could basically move out any time and live in his aunt’s house (as she currently lives in a care home). He himself wants to live in a care home but has a dog which may not be allowed in a care home, so he’d want to live with the dog until the dog passes (but he could do this in his aunt’s house). Also, our timeline is to stay in this apartment until we are able to adopt and since we don’t know when that will be, we don’t really know our timeline either.
It’s all super exciting. I mean building a dream home is super cool and fun. I’ve never done that before not even in America. I’ve got to eat something as I’m super hungry. Be well.