Japan · Life · Mental Health

Merry Christmas…

I’m lying in bed with Small Lady and KC and I’m listening to the sounds of the children next door playing and I’m trying to pretend my heart isn’t utterly broken for the second Christmas in a row that our house is silent.

We had to celebrate Christmas early because Mamoru works tomorrow (actual Christmas day is no holiday here in Japan).  We started this morning with a customary Benedict and then opened presents.  Mamoru enjoyed his presents, but when he tried to give me back the cash for his Apple Watch, I started crying.  I just kept saying over and over again “you can’t give back your Christmas present.”  Of course, I wasn’t really crying about that.  I was crying because it was just us, alone on Christmas.  There were no friends, no family, and especially upsetting, still no children.  It’s also the one year anniversary of when I conceived our miracle baby.  I’d be lying if I said Christmas wasn’t hard…so fucking hard for me.  Mamoru held me and handed me tissues while I cried.  He promised me next Christmas we’d be in our new house.

Speaking of houses we visited a new build of a home company Mamoru found out about.  It was a very cool and stylish house but we decided we like the other housing companies better.  Mamoru is sold on Misawa and they designed our dream 1st floor which is amazing, but we’d have to make concessions on the 2nd floor.  Mostly they said they didn’t know if they could make it leveled or not.  That super bums me out.  I mean it’s only kind of our dream house if they can’t make it leveled.  I’ll share the floor plan in a follow up post.  One great thing about the house is that it’s bigger than I thought it would be, and he also gave us an amazing walk in closet.  It’s like its own room.  The entrance is huge too.  The kitchen is basically my dream kitchen and will be 100% if I can convince Mamoru to get me a dishwasher.

I guess that’s it.  Christmas is super fucking hard when your childless.  I hope you guys have a nice Christmas.  Be well.

One thought on “Merry Christmas…

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