Physical Health: So-so
Mental Health: Extremely poor
Surgery was successful and is over and done with. I wasn’t allowed to eat the day of the surgery or until lunch the next day. The night following surgery was pretty fucking terrible. I was hooked up to an IV on one side and a heart, blood pressure, and pulse monitor on the other side. In addition, I had massaging boots on my legs, so if I wanted to go to the bathroom, a nurse had to come and unstrap one side and push me in a wheel chair to the bathroom, IV in tow. It was such a helpless feeling. The next morning I got a blood test at 6AM, and then at 10AM I walked down for an x-ray. Shortly thereafter, they finally took out my IV, and I got my first meal, lunch. I felt like I hadn’t eaten ever. FYI hospital food in Japan is decent, so if you’re ever hospitalized here, there’s that to look forward to.
The doctor said I could go home the day after the surgery, but I decided that I’d rather stay in the hospital that day and go home the next day. The second night in the hospital I didn’t sleep well (only about 4 hours). However, I was eager to go home and was packed and ready before Mamoru got there.
When I got home, it wasn’t the “Welcome Home Princess!” I was expecting. It was a “You Just Had Major Surgery But Welcome Back to Your Fucking Housewife Job”. Mamoru hadn’t done anything while I was gone. He didn’t do any laundry, there was no food in the fridge, and he didn’t even check the mail. I put the laundry in and had a rest before trying to think about what to eat for dinner. Literally everything is exhausting right now. The most frustrating thing for me (a self-proclaimed foodie) is what do I fucking eat? Everything I used to eat before is out for the time being. Nothing spicy. Nothing full fat. No coffee. Caffeine isn’t recommended. Neither is salt. No cheese. No butter. Nothing fried. Low sugar. Nothing greasy. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. So I asked Mamoru to buy me some food last night, and I tried to make some chia pudding for breakfast which I would follow up with some toast with peanut butter. The chia pudding came out like chia soup, so I threw it out. I went to look in the fridge and there was no bread. When I asked Mamoru about the bread and why he didn’t reset the dryer like I asked him to, he gave me all this attitude. This erupted into an ugly fight with him saying “I did everything”. Excuse me? He actually literally did nothing except take me to the hospital and pick me up (and drove like a maniac on the way home which hurt). He only came to visit me once when I was in the hospital, brought me McDonald’s which I couldn’t eat, and then left after 5 minutes. I credit the nurses for doing everything for sure. He said he was “sad”, and I said “sorry not sorry but you don’t get to be sad right now”. He needs to be the strong one and take care of me. If he had had an organ removed that’s what I would do for him. I swear Mamoru used to be much more caring and nurturing when we were dating. What happened? Suddenly he lost those skills for caring for others? What the fuck?
I read a lot about surgery and this surgery in particular (because that’s what educated people do). I read it’s not uncommon to feel emotional after surgery. That started when Mamoru drove me home and I started crying in the car. He just seems so irritated when I ask him for simple things like buying me food or helping me up the stairs. I think his behavior is unfair and immature.
Well, I finally stopped crying so I guess that means it’s time to eat some bagel (found in the freezer) with peanut butter. I’m glad this blog still remains therapeutic some three years later. I’m trying my best. I hope you are too. Be well.